A Figurative Theory I think most people know about Adam and Eve's blunder in the garden, but my Pop has developed his own theory. I was in the middle of a peaceful breakfast when Pop bounded up a crate of ancient scrolls, talking to himself. "It wasn't the apple, it was the figs, the figs!" I stayed motionless hoping he'd wander off and talk to one of the dogs, when his hand reached out to stop me from eating my oatmeal. "Nellie, these scrolls confirm my theory. When Adam and Eve used the fig leaves to cover up their own embarassment and tossed the precious figs in the dirt, their act in the garden was cancelled." With one hand over my teacup and the other shaking my oatmeal spoon, he concluded his biblical theory, "The apple incident, as far as I am concerned, was nothing compared to their wanton waste of the figs." This is why my Pop reveres the fig and I like to eat breakfast in my room. For my Pop's sake, I hope you, too, still revel in the divine quality of our Fig Newmans.
Sincerely, Nell Newman
PS-The enjoyment of our Fig Newmans doesn't require an allegiance to my Pop's theory.
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